Thank you very much! I really am the lucky one here. The cute boy is a champ. I have to tell this story because it just happened…
We were watching The King’s Speech because I’d never seen it (it was very good!) and he fell asleep. He talks in his sleep pretty frequently, and sometimes if I respond to him he says more things. It’s my new favorite game. So I’m elbow deep in an empty bag of tortilla chips trying to get the last precious bits of salt from the corner when he rolls over and sleepily mumbles, “The internet is busy.”
So I say, “It’s busy? What do you mean by that?”
"It’s a pretty big place."
"Bigger than Texas?"
"No." Commence snoring, which means no more sleep talking.
This relationship is still very new and shiny, and I’m excited to see where it goes. It’s so different from my last one. Note: don’t ignore red flags, it’s not your job to love someone into being an adult… in fact it’s impossible to do, so don’t even waste your time.
Anyway, to your question. You won’t be alone forever. Statistics is on your side! There are 7+ billion people on this planet, so there are at bare minimum like a few hundred thousand people you’d be compatible with. But, be wary! Love like in movies and books is fake. Don’t go looking for that, because it’s not real and won’t ultimately satisfy you. The whirlwind romance stuff is mostly bullshit. And, be patient. You’re young! I’m young! There is tons of time! I’ve found that oftentimes the special person comes around when you’re not actually looking for them.
Take the cute boy for example. I thought my feelings were solidly in ‘off’ mode. I was just looking for a plaything, something casual and fun (which can work as long as all parties are on the same page). My plan was to be single for several months- till my birthday, to be precise- and then start seriously looking, maybe try online dating (my dad and stepmom met that way and they are one of the happiest couples I’ve ever seen. It’s gross) or something. And then the cute boy turned out to be fucking awesome and I decided I didn’t want to share him (or myself) because I liked him so much.
One thing you can do now is to work on yourself. Start becoming the sort of person you’d want to meet. Try to step out of your own skin/self as much as possible and take a hard look at yourself from the outside. Nobody is perfect. Everyone is a mess in some way, shape, or form; that’s ok as long as your recognize your faults and take active steps towards improving yourself. You will probably see some ugly things, some unpleasant things, some things that make you cringe a little to realize that you do that… all part of the process. Then, baby step by baby step, fix it.
Learn to be ok with yourself and your head space. A relationship should not define you or complete you, you shouldn’t need to be in one to be happy. You are great and fucking rad just by yourself. Relationships can and should enhance you, exist as an extra cool dimension to the glorious multifaceted being that is you. Relationships of the romantic persuasion are not the be all and end all of existence and anyone who makes you feel otherwise is wrong. Don’t believe them.
Above all, don’t give up.
Well I think most people feel that way every once in a while. I’m in a combined program, so that means 6 years of med school. I think that’s a long time, so of course sometimes you lose focus and ‘forget’ what your goal was to begin with.
Alright, here are some of the things that helped(/are helping) motivate me during those long days and nights of studying:
- making it to med school in itself is a big motivational booster. It must mean that somebody thinks I’m made of something, that could make it to a real white coat some day.
- remembering how I felt during 1st semester exams, knowing that at least 5 other people would gladly take my seat (yeah I should totally get over how miserable I feel right now, because people are fighting and fighting to get to where I am today. Hey, wow I made it -WOOHOOHOO!!).
- knowing that all of this work could potentially make a difference in someone’s life (and will, even if I don’t do research). I’m especially very sour about medical genetics these days and I try to remind myself about David Vetter. His case speaks to my heart and tells me to work harder and really try to understand as much as I can about medical genetics ( I know, sentimental, but really, it does).
- Trying to add up all the things I’ve learnt so far and also regretting the courses I got away with just passing. I should have tried to learn as much as possible. I guess it’s that the more I know, the more people I can help-mentality. But then again, now I do know where to look, if I can’t remember the answer, right?
- Thinking about all the exciting tasks I will get to do at the hospital whenever I complete a semester!
Ironically, even though I’ve been feeling low lately, somehow this question has really helped me with the lack of motivation I’ve been feeling. Thank you pseudonymous-md and good luck to you too :)
So I recently switched undergrad programs and because I’m so busy and don’t know anyone in my new program yet, I worried that I’m gonna end up as a lone wolf. So I was wondering if you ever struggled with solitude, given that med school and residency are so time and energy demanding? Or perhaps making and maintaining friendships came naturally to you? Thanks for answering, and keep posting! :) -pseudonymous-md
Oh dear, did you ask this at the right time.
Let me explain a little about myself: I am an extroverted introvert. I can do well in groups (for a short period of time) if I’m comfortable with the people, but I’d prefer to be with just 1 or 2 at a time, and I definitely don’t mind being (and actually need to be) alone a lot of the time. I am just extroverted enough that I am friendly with people and make friends (in a very Facebook sense of the word) easily. But like a true introvert I have few really close friends. And I’m a terrible maintainer of friendships. I usually wait for a friend to send me an “are you still alive” email, and then I’ll email back and forth 3 or 4 times before dropping it again for another 6 months.
So being an introvert, I do value my alone time to a degree. I can tolerate a lot more alone time than some could and actually look forward to it a little on my really busy rotations. But with that being said, know that Wayfaring gets lonely too. Whoa, I’m about to get all introspective and raw with emotions and feelings and other such touchy feely junk that makes Wayfaring uncomfortable in real life. Good thing this isn’t going on the internet for nearly 10,000 people to read or anything.
So my brother’s wedding photos came out…
This taste is proof that we’re just cooler than you. True Story. :P
Also proof that my brother finds our lack of faith in the force disturbing.